The garbage trucks wake me early.
Even my little cat is still asleep.
(She’s deafer than me.) I wake into
the immediate knowledge of his death,
my old friend, my soul-brother – we
could tell each other anything, every
thing, and also we didn’t need to –
unlike other deaths, when sleep gave
an escape from which I then had to
realise all over again.
When he visited
that night, before I found out he’d died,
I was half asleep already, didn’t then
recognise it was him (well we hadn’t
met in person for many years, though
we texted and were always available
to each other) only that it was a man,
tallish, not one of my usual visitors, but
someone I seemed to know very well …
I fell asleep not knowing yet, but feeling
safe in his regard, his calm affection.
This is one of a series of daily poems I'm doing this year as a 'Book of Days' and posting to Instagram and facebook – this one already slightly edited since. It's also being shared with Poets and Storytellers United for Friday Writings #100: El Dia de Muertos.
In Australia we don't have a Day of the Dead. (Many Aussie schoolchildren have now started celebrating Halloween, on the same date as the Americans do – which is the wrong season of the year here, the beginning of summer instead of winter; also they don't seem to really get what it means apart from the fun of dressing up and eating lots of free sweets.)
This newly written poem, though, obviously has some relationship to the topic.
This is so full of feeling - that deep connection means we always know somehow.. so sorry for your loss. Big hug.
ReplyDeleteReceived with thanks! xx
DeleteI've heard that when there is a deep connection sometimes an apparition appears upon death. May your friend's memory like his calm affection always be a blessing.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm sure it will.
DeleteMethinks the traditional Old English 'All Hallows Eve', is more in tune with the ethos of Day of the Dead, and it's only America that brought the influence of sugar rush (!) to the table...
ReplyDeleteBut your words are full of the true essence of 'soulmates', to whom words will only ever be a poor reflection of the feelings involved. Thank you for sharing them with us today.
Thank you for the thoughtful comment. You may well be right about All Hallows Eve. Being Pagan, and with some Scottish ancestry, my own reference is to the old Celtic Samhain.
DeleteI believe sometimes we may be told of loved ones' passing away, in a more comforting way than a call from a mutual acquaintance.
ReplyDeleteIt has happened that way for me a number of times. Usually, I know who, immediately, and then a little later the call comes .
DeleteI can only dream of lost ones. My step-father promised he would come back to say hello if he could, So far he hasn't. I wait though.
ReplyDeleteDreams can also be a way for them to contact us. If any are particularly vivid and/or realistic, you might take note.
DeleteI'm sorry that showed up as anon - this is Debi. Thanks for that advice. I'll pay closer attention.
DeleteHello Derbi, glad to know it's you. And here's hoping!
DeleteOops, I mean Debi.
DeleteSo sad to lose that special person... Breaks your heart....some of us know things in advance...I hate it and try to block it out as best I can but it never leaves you completely
ReplyDeleteI don't usually know of someone's death in advance (except in mundane terms if it's obviously likely as in old age + illness). I find these 'visitations' at t he time of death quite comforting, when I get confirmation of the death afterwards. It's nice that they would come to say goodbye, and also good to know that yes, the soul does survive. And the feeling that emanates from them is always both oeaceful and loving.
DeleteI appreciate the Australian view of the season. It is interesting that we can have this ethereal knowledge at times.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine that on dark winter nights Halloween could seem really spooky. Here, the sun is still shining when the kiddies set out, with parents hovering in the background for safety, to do their trick-or-treating. (The trick part is not a real possibility and I doubt they even know what it means.) Waiting for dark would take it way past their bedtime.
DeleteSomething similar happened to me when my little brother passed away. Not a visitation, but a dream. It wasn't calm. I woke up screaming and terrified for him. And when I called him to check up on him, he was already gone. Even though the actual experience wasn't easy, it was good to be able to say goodbye (in a way). As the years go by, I hope for more occasions like yours.
ReplyDeleteThe idea of celebrating Halloween out of season fills me with unease. If they don't know what the holiday is really about now, when the adaptation is so fresh, imagine what will happen in decades from now. The disconnection will be... scary.
Some dreams are more than the usual, taking us on the psychic level to other realms and times, and especially to other people with whom we have a deep connection. I know your connection to your brother was very close, so it doesn't surprise me that you would feel the moment of his death even in your sleep. Very often the dead visit us in dreams afterwards, too. If you have dreamed of him since, that may be his way of visiting.
DeleteOh, and yes to your remarks about the Australian Halloween thing. Quite disturbing to contemplate.
DeleteSometimes our senses are deep enough to know what has passed.
ReplyDeleteThat's so.
Delete